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These days, the hiring process is needlessly complex, overcomplicated and bureaucratic, but if you want to play you have to learn to do the song and dance. It is best to assume that your potential future employer will put you through the proverbial wringer and weed out all of the heathens, liars and miscreants in order to hire the least likely candidate to get the hiring manager fired. This is your road map for how to play the game.

(Note: There are variations on this process when dealing with Employment Agencies or Recruiters.

STEP 1: The application phase
A job posting is essentially an advertisement. The definition of an advertisement is an invitation to make offers, which, contrary to some belief does not make it legally binding. Still to avoid any sort of legal trouble, most job advertisements say things like “ability to perform other tasks as assigned” or “must be able to meet physical requirements of the job.” In legal circles this is called the “see, I told you so!” clause. This is how this works:

Worker: “Hey, I was never told this job involved stacking boxes in the warehouse!”

Manager: Points to “other tasks as assigned” in the job ad and in the Employment Manual that you for which you signed an acknowledgement on day 1. “See, I told you so!”

The application phase is where the job is posted online or in the local fish-wrap / bird-cage liner. Applicants stumble upon these either by using search terms of cleaning the bottom of the bird cage. The applicant may update his or her resumé, write a cover letter, send it in and then say a quick prayer or perhaps apply for another 10 jobs. Hopefully the applicant remembers applying for this particular job if the potential employer calls.

IMPORTANT JOB HACK! Keep a log of jobs that you have applied for. Save the ads as well so that you can quick reference them in the event of moving on to other phases of the recruitment process.

Finally, for some organizations, the application process can also involve filling out a job application. This is usually done online and your data is put into a database for potential future matches to open positions. This involves pretty much writing your resumé in their format. Personally, I’ve never gotten as much a callback from doing this, but it may work if for really big organizations or for government jobs. Filling out applications to get in the database with a smaller organization is a waste of time and effort as an opportunity matching your skillset is less likely to come available.

STEP 2: Culling the herd – the reject and the hmmm pile:
At this point, the hiring manager is overwhelmed with resumés, some good, some ok and a whole lot of them just plain shitty. Probably 2/3 of them can be rejected based on poor presentation, bad grammar, the applicant obviously not having read the advertisement, way overqualified, way underqualified / unqualified, or no cover letter.

Take note then, in the application process to (1) always write a cover letter and (2) make it clear based on your cover letter that you read the job ad and (3) that your resumé is relevant to the job. Don’t leave off your veterinary experience and only list your clerical experience when applying for the Zookeeper’s Assistant job.

It is not uncommon for hiring managers to receive well over 100 applications for any single position. They will most likely weed them down to less than 10. The other 90 will never hear anything as their resumés will languish in some file in a box somewhere in a warehouse or on some obscure data server backup. Unless one of those applicants files a hiring discrimination lawsuit, those resumés are unlikely to ever to be seen again.

STEP 3: The phone interview / screening:
The applicant may be contacted by e-mail or a voice message. A phone screening most likely will be set up to go over the application process and to screen for any reasons to eliminate applicants and make the pile smaller. “Oh, so you aren’t available for 2 months? Oh, you’re not a local candidate? Oh you are in prison?”

STEP 4: Face to face interviewing:
Usually 3-5 candidates make it this far. There are many formats for interviews, such as the firing squad which involves sitting in front of a bunch of managers at once who rapid fire questions in a dimly lit conference room. (INTERVIEW HACK: Hopefully you are the best dressed person there too.)

The other method is the box of chocolates method. This is where you are passed around and sampled by a bunch of people who work for the organization. You will be asked many of the same questions over and over.

The final method is the frequent flier method where you will come back for 2nd and maybe even 3rd or 4th interview. This is common when organizations are trying to decide between 2 candidates who are very similarly qualified. If you get a 2nd interview, then that means that you are most certainly a very viable candidate and you ought to feel your chances are pretty good.

The other reason organizations do this is because they are convinced that they are going to make a hiring mistake and in the event they do, they can spread the blame around or collectively throw their hands up and say “how were we to know he was a serial killer / cannibal? Wait, did he bring his lunch, I think we need to get a new microwave.”

STEP 5: Personality / Assessment Test
This is something that seemed really trendy a few years ago. This is to find out which of the 16 potential personalities you are. I have yet to figure out what purpose this serves unless they are just looking for someone who is so far removed from the stereotypical personality that is perceived for a job. For example, an Accountant with feelings or a Programmer with a personality. (Just kidding – I am an accountant and programmer so I get a free pass).

Also, an assessment test may be done. This could also be done prior to face-to-face interviewing. Skills that can be assessed can be specific to software such as Microsoft Office, or they could involve words per minute with respect to typing speed, or maybe even checking 10 key skills. Programmers may be asked to write code or to resolve mistakes in bad code.

STEP 6: Background checks / Reference checks
This is where they find out about your crappy driving record, the open container incident, the altercation with the bouncer, your time in Mexican prison and possibly the restraining order(s) out on you. If you have something in your past, I recommend running an online background check on yourself. Just google and you can find one. However, try and look for one that is nationwide and that is the most encompassing from a geographical standpoint.

It is likely that your sins may not be on record or will come up. If they do, be prepared to address them if asked. It is possible if you bring it first, that the employer will see you as a stand up honest person and hire you on the spot….kidding! You will most likely be marked as a potential liability and will not be hired.

If you are going to be working with money, some organizations will perform a credit check. The thinking is that someone with bad credit is going to rob the company blind since they can’t get a loan from the bank. You are entitled to one free credit report per year from all 3 credit agencies. You should not have to pay to obtain them. Even if you are not asked it is a good practice to run a credit check on yourself every year (I do every January) just to make sure no one has opened any accounts in my name or that I haven’t missed paying a bill somewhere along the line.

Finally, I have a good article here on references that you should read. Providing references is a process if done correctly and can help you get an offer. If you don’t want to read the article a couple of the main points are to list good references and let them know you are using them as references. It is always better to ask for permission than forgiveness.

STEP 7: The Job Offer
You’ve been offered the job. So the process is over, as all you have to is accept or not. Nope, it isn’t over yet. You’ve just received the offer, though and that is very exciting!

STEP 8: Negotiation and acceptance
All things are negotiable. That red Swingline stapler, that corner office, the company car, vacation days, bonus frequency / wage reviews, stock options and of course, salary. Be realistic of course, but don’t be afraid to ask for what you want and what you are worth. Do market research as there are many salary studies online.

So, there you have it. That is the roadmap. Happy hunting and good luck operating the hiring minefield!

Let’s look at 2021. Yes, 2020 has been and continues to be a dumpster fire.

If you are in the middle of a job search, considering a career change or job change or fear that you may soon be unemployed due to uncertainty in your current position, then it is good to know what the tea leaves might be saying.

After all, many lessons can be learned from the recovery after the 2008 financial collapse, and I will be drawing some conclusions based on my observations and experiences from that time period. I am also presenting this from a standpoint of the labor market in the United States as that is where I live. However, many of these same experiences may apply to other countries as well.

– The job market will be stronger in 2021.
This is probably the easiest guess, if only because the bar isn’t that high to begin with. I say this knowing that we have survived the last 10 months with very weakened restaurant, hospitality, travel, entertainment, sports and music industries (to name a few).

Think about going to a concert, which is a rarity if not a near impossibility in 2020. There are ticket-takers, ushers, food service workers, marketing personnel, venue operators, bartenders, food / drink suppliers / distributers, promoters, musicians, sound technicians, pyrotechnics, costume designers, parking lot attendents, light technicians, stage hands, prop personnel, camera people and the coke dealer in the green room backstage (and I am sure I a forgetting a few).

All of these jobs disappeared and all of these folks have had to find other jobs in other areas, but as this virus abates, all of these jobs are going to come back. The music scene will come back and it will need experienced and non-experienced personnel.

Some industries will not have enough experienced personnel
In 2008, the industry I worked in, construction took a huge hit. Unemployment amongst skilled tradespeople soared. Many people left the industry altogether, throwing their hands after sitting jobless for months, said “fuck this!” and left the industry altogether. Many retrained for jobs in other industries or went back to school or found jobs in other areas. Quite a few have also never recovered, it should also be noted.

As the construction market came back and boomed in the mid 2010’s, it was not uncommon to hear about labor shortages. Many baby-boomers who had been tradespeople their entire life aged out, or flat out retired and took their pensions after riding the 2008 wave (again, “fuck this!”). With that, you had a huge outpouring of foremen and supervisors who had a wealth of knowledge that was seemingly gone forever. Skills and expertise that could not be taught to new apprentices and journeymen in their respective trades were gone for good.

On top of that there is an emphasis particularly in the United States that tends to tell people that the only the way to succeed is with a college education. Meanwhile, apprenticeship programs and trade training programs about, especially at the community college level.

So with respect to the construction industry, which, from a labor market standpoint tends to lag a bit behind the rest of the economy due to when budgets are allocated and construction is financed, could see long term career and money making potential as more people in the industry say “fuck this!” The same could be said for all of the other industries I mentioned above. How many Hotel Night Auditors or Restaurant Managers or Sound Technicians or Convention Center Sales Managers left for greener pastures in the last year? How many won’t come back? How many will flood the job market initially as things do come back? I think over the longer term (1-2 years), there will be labor shortages in these markets. That is assuming that those who have the skills have the wherewithall to be able to survive the downturn in these areas.

Neutral: Remote work is probably not going to go away When the pandemic started, I turned to my wife and told her, “this thing is going to have everyone show their true colors. This country is going to lift up the rug and see all the nasties that have been swept under it for years. One of those is the need for people to sit in traffic for hours and go into an office building for 8-10 hours a day. So many jobs can be done remotely. This is a positive for workers, as the trends with millenials in the workplace has been for a better work / life balance anyway. For single parents or caregivers for family members, this could be a tremendous positive with more flexibility.

Also, for parents, they will have the opporutnity to spend more time with their children as they are not having to be on the road for 10-12 hours per week commuting. Spouses may get more quality time together. People will have more time to develop social lives and even give back to their community if they choose. Fewer cars on the road means fewer vehicle emmissions and strain on the already strained traffic system.

However, as shown it is also revealing weaknesses in terms of the bandwith avaialable overall countrywide. Many rural areas are horribly underserviced with respect to internet speeds. Also, if people can do their jobs from anywhere, then probably a ton of people are going to move out of California. This means an even bigger influx of expatriated Californians to Western States which has created infaltionary and infrastructure issues in places like Boise and Denver, for example.

Finally, it is speculated that many people may move out of higher density urban areas for the suburbs. After decades of returning to downtown, what is going to happen with more remote workers? Could the commercial real estate market collapse? Will the urban resdential real estate market follow? Will another housing boom occur in the suburbs? The ramifications will take years to develop, but this could change the demographics of American cities for decades to come.

You may be required to get a vaccine in order to work for some companies
Many experts predict that some sort of verification may be required as to showing vaccination to do things like attend sport events and concerts. There have already been movements to require vaccinations for children to attend school in recent years with whooping cough and measles outbreaks. Could employers require employees to have proof of vaccination to work?

This thing is, employment is essentially an “at-will” contract between an organization and an employee, who’s terms are up for negotiation. I think for health care workers we will see a requirement. It will be interesting to see how this branches out to other “essential” services like food services or mass transportation.

H1N1 Visas may be expedited in the Health Care field It has become more clear and has been projected for years that there is a shortage of health care workers in the United States. As more baby boomers age out, it has also been postulated that there will not be enough health care workers to care for a disproporionately aging population.

With the pandemic, there is even a greater need for medical professionals. In order to make up for this shortfall, health care organizations may decide to sponsor foreign nationals to work on H1N1 working VISAs. With a more pro-immigration Presidential Administration incoming in January, 2021, this is an even greater possibility.

Onerous Certifications and regulations may disappear I enjoy my drink, but I hate going to the store. So, I like getting groceries delivered. The pandemic has changed this. One of the good things to come out of the pandemic is booze delivery that did not exist before. This was evidence of onerous overregulation that wasn’t really serving anybody or doing any good. It has created opportunities in the gig economy for sure.

Maybe a lot of the over the top certifications and needless hoops that people have to go through to get hired will disappear. The virus has made certain essential services scramble to hire people quickly and do away with the superflous bullshit. Anything that cuts back on needless buereacracy is a good thing.

Educational opportunities may abound for the next few years
A lot of students are slow to go back to onsite learning. There will be an influx for sure, but Universities in particular have taken a huge hit. They are going to be doing a lot to entice students. Many schools are offerring in state tuition to out of state students amongst other discounts for example. Colleges are even allowing parents and students to negotiate differente terms to secure them as students. Expect this at least in the short term to continue.

Inflation is a thing
Finally, we have seen inflation creep up the last few months. The Fed has been reluctant to raise interest rates in fear of further harming the economy. However, by not doing so, costs with respect to food, utilities and housing continue to skyrocket. I would not expect any of these to go away anytime soon.

So, basically, 2021 will still be a shitshow. It will just be a different type of shitshow that is hopefully less shitty than 2020. Then again, it would take a shitastic level of shittiness to make any year shittier than 2020. We can certainly all agree when midnight strikes on January 1st and we look back and give 2020 the finger.

When I say the word “Temp” what images comes to mind? Short-timer, lone gun, hired hand, free agent, human for rent, and “but I barely even knew ya.” According to statista.com, in the United States there were approximately 16,000,000 temporary employees in 2019. That is out of an approximate labor force of 163.54 million, so we’ll call it 10%. That’s also excluding freelancers, which is another topic for another blog entry.

Continue reading “The Ins and Outs of Employment Agencies”

Lying. Everybody does it. Some people are good at it, others, not so much. From the 1 year old with chocolate all over her mouth who says she didn’t eat the candy on the table, to the politician who promises not to work for special interests to the car salesman who says that the transmission is fine despite the trail of transmission fluid leading from the road to the lot after your test drive, this article is for you!
Continue reading “How to get caught lying on your resumé. (How to make Pinocchio proud)”