The hiring process explained in 8 simple steps

These days, the hiring process is needlessly complex, overcomplicated and bureaucratic, but if you want to play you have to learn to do the song and dance. It is best to assume that your potential future employer will put you through the proverbial wringer and weed out all of the heathens, liars and miscreants in order to hire the least likely candidate to get the hiring manager fired. This is your road map for how to play the game.

(Note: There are variations on this process when dealing with Employment Agencies or Recruiters.

STEP 1: The application phase
A job posting is essentially an advertisement. The definition of an advertisement is an invitation to make offers, which, contrary to some belief does not make it legally binding. Still to avoid any sort of legal trouble, most job advertisements say things like “ability to perform other tasks as assigned” or “must be able to meet physical requirements of the job.” In legal circles this is called the “see, I told you so!” clause. This is how this works:

Worker: “Hey, I was never told this job involved stacking boxes in the warehouse!”

Manager: Points to “other tasks as assigned” in the job ad and in the Employment Manual that you for which you signed an acknowledgement on day 1. “See, I told you so!”

The application phase is where the job is posted online or in the local fish-wrap / bird-cage liner. Applicants stumble upon these either by using search terms of cleaning the bottom of the bird cage. The applicant may update his or her resumé, write a cover letter, send it in and then say a quick prayer or perhaps apply for another 10 jobs. Hopefully the applicant remembers applying for this particular job if the potential employer calls.

IMPORTANT JOB HACK! Keep a log of jobs that you have applied for. Save the ads as well so that you can quick reference them in the event of moving on to other phases of the recruitment process.

Finally, for some organizations, the application process can also involve filling out a job application. This is usually done online and your data is put into a database for potential future matches to open positions. This involves pretty much writing your resumé in their format. Personally, I’ve never gotten as much a callback from doing this, but it may work if for really big organizations or for government jobs. Filling out applications to get in the database with a smaller organization is a waste of time and effort as an opportunity matching your skillset is less likely to come available.

STEP 2: Culling the herd – the reject and the hmmm pile:
At this point, the hiring manager is overwhelmed with resumés, some good, some ok and a whole lot of them just plain shitty. Probably 2/3 of them can be rejected based on poor presentation, bad grammar, the applicant obviously not having read the advertisement, way overqualified, way underqualified / unqualified, or no cover letter.

Take note then, in the application process to (1) always write a cover letter and (2) make it clear based on your cover letter that you read the job ad and (3) that your resumé is relevant to the job. Don’t leave off your veterinary experience and only list your clerical experience when applying for the Zookeeper’s Assistant job.

It is not uncommon for hiring managers to receive well over 100 applications for any single position. They will most likely weed them down to less than 10. The other 90 will never hear anything as their resumés will languish in some file in a box somewhere in a warehouse or on some obscure data server backup. Unless one of those applicants files a hiring discrimination lawsuit, those resumés are unlikely to ever to be seen again.

STEP 3: The phone interview / screening:
The applicant may be contacted by e-mail or a voice message. A phone screening most likely will be set up to go over the application process and to screen for any reasons to eliminate applicants and make the pile smaller. “Oh, so you aren’t available for 2 months? Oh, you’re not a local candidate? Oh you are in prison?”

STEP 4: Face to face interviewing:
Usually 3-5 candidates make it this far. There are many formats for interviews, such as the firing squad which involves sitting in front of a bunch of managers at once who rapid fire questions in a dimly lit conference room. (INTERVIEW HACK: Hopefully you are the best dressed person there too.)

The other method is the box of chocolates method. This is where you are passed around and sampled by a bunch of people who work for the organization. You will be asked many of the same questions over and over.

The final method is the frequent flier method where you will come back for 2nd and maybe even 3rd or 4th interview. This is common when organizations are trying to decide between 2 candidates who are very similarly qualified. If you get a 2nd interview, then that means that you are most certainly a very viable candidate and you ought to feel your chances are pretty good.

The other reason organizations do this is because they are convinced that they are going to make a hiring mistake and in the event they do, they can spread the blame around or collectively throw their hands up and say “how were we to know he was a serial killer / cannibal? Wait, did he bring his lunch, I think we need to get a new microwave.”

STEP 5: Personality / Assessment Test
This is something that seemed really trendy a few years ago. This is to find out which of the 16 potential personalities you are. I have yet to figure out what purpose this serves unless they are just looking for someone who is so far removed from the stereotypical personality that is perceived for a job. For example, an Accountant with feelings or a Programmer with a personality. (Just kidding – I am an accountant and programmer so I get a free pass).

Also, an assessment test may be done. This could also be done prior to face-to-face interviewing. Skills that can be assessed can be specific to software such as Microsoft Office, or they could involve words per minute with respect to typing speed, or maybe even checking 10 key skills. Programmers may be asked to write code or to resolve mistakes in bad code.

STEP 6: Background checks / Reference checks
This is where they find out about your crappy driving record, the open container incident, the altercation with the bouncer, your time in Mexican prison and possibly the restraining order(s) out on you. If you have something in your past, I recommend running an online background check on yourself. Just google and you can find one. However, try and look for one that is nationwide and that is the most encompassing from a geographical standpoint.

It is likely that your sins may not be on record or will come up. If they do, be prepared to address them if asked. It is possible if you bring it first, that the employer will see you as a stand up honest person and hire you on the spot….kidding! You will most likely be marked as a potential liability and will not be hired.

If you are going to be working with money, some organizations will perform a credit check. The thinking is that someone with bad credit is going to rob the company blind since they can’t get a loan from the bank. You are entitled to one free credit report per year from all 3 credit agencies. You should not have to pay to obtain them. Even if you are not asked it is a good practice to run a credit check on yourself every year (I do every January) just to make sure no one has opened any accounts in my name or that I haven’t missed paying a bill somewhere along the line.

Finally, I have a good article here on references that you should read. Providing references is a process if done correctly and can help you get an offer. If you don’t want to read the article a couple of the main points are to list good references and let them know you are using them as references. It is always better to ask for permission than forgiveness.

STEP 7: The Job Offer
You’ve been offered the job. So the process is over, as all you have to is accept or not. Nope, it isn’t over yet. You’ve just received the offer, though and that is very exciting!

STEP 8: Negotiation and acceptance
All things are negotiable. That red Swingline stapler, that corner office, the company car, vacation days, bonus frequency / wage reviews, stock options and of course, salary. Be realistic of course, but don’t be afraid to ask for what you want and what you are worth. Do market research as there are many salary studies online.

So, there you have it. That is the roadmap. Happy hunting and good luck operating the hiring minefield!