References are one of those “checking the box” exercises that is mundane for employers as they expect to hear people say delightful things about you. There isn’t much to be gained, but there is much to be lost. Reference checks can usually only go 2 directions: (1) A desire to hire on the part of the employer to extending an offer or (2) A desire to hire, to a sigh a relief and a “holy shit did we just dodge a bullet!” moment.
I have discussed some references do’s and don’ts here. However, what I did not cover is who not to use as a reference. So, to expound upon the topic of references, here are the people you should stay away from using as a reference:
• Anyone who works for your current employer: If you are trying to keep a job search discrete then don’t use your current boss or any current co-workers as a reference. People talk. Another co-worker could catch wind and let it get back to your boss. Now your employer knows you are looking elsewhere and could start recruiting for your position and / or fire you pre-emptively. This is just not a position to be avoided for sure!
You also cannot expect to use a current boss as a reference with the expectation of getting a reference after you give notice for the obvious reason that you should not give notice unless you have a job offer in hand first. References are never checked after job offers are extended unless they are contingent upon references.
The absolute rule of references is not to list anyone you have not talked to first. Since you are not going to talk to your boss about a reference before securing a job offer, don’t use them as a job reference!
• Any reference who you have not talked to first: I cannot stress this enough, so I repeating myself! The most unprofessional reference check is one where the reference has no idea they were a reference or who barely remembers the referencee. If you have not contacted your references and warned them of the impending call from your potential employer, then you are setting yourself up for some a big heaping cup of disappointment. This is the biggest mistake people make when providing references and it screams of unprofessionalism.
This is a great way to sabotage your chances of getting hired, and probably the easiest pitfall to avoid if you are diligent.
• Or references who you have not been able to get a hold of: If you can’t get a hold of a reference don’t use them. If their contact information has changed and you don’t know how to reach them don’t use them. Make sure the contact information is current and accurate, again, by contacting them beforehand (raise your hand if you see a theme here). Contacting your references first mitigates this one. If you have not physically spoken or corresponded with them via phone, text, e-mail, carrier pigeon, telegraph, cans on a string, smoke signals or coconuts do not list them.
• Family Members: Family members (depending on your relationship with your family of course), are generally going to say good things about you. Most family members however, are not going to be able to relate your SQL Coding or sales skills. Hiring Managers are going to view family references as a complete waste of time and are not going to put much stock in them, as they are mostly going to be irrelevant.
Moreover, some Hiring Managers will question your judgment of using a family member as a reference and will wonder why you were unable to put a professional reference instead. The perception being that maybe that not well-rounded or social enough to use a prior supervisor, co-worker, or even the postman. Using family members as references, even if you have worked in the family business is generally considered to be unprofessional.
Besides, what family member is going to give a bad reference (except in the case of a sibling rivalry) if you have to eat Thanksgiving dinner together every year?
• Best Friends: I don’t know that I would ever want any of my closest friends giving a reference for me. It is not because they wouldn’t have anything to say, but it is because they no me TOO well. Yes, they know my hard work and penchant for problem solving, but they also know about the time we had to break out of Mexican prison together or the time I accidently glued myself to a toilet seat in high school. I would be a little nervous putting my potential future job in the hands of someone who has the power to keep me from running from public office with all of the dirt they have on me.
In all seriousness though, your best friends are not going to give solid professional and job performance related information to an employer unless you have worked together, which is the only real caveat I could see to this rule.
• Subordinates currently working under you: If you supervise others it is okay to use them as a reference as long as they no longer currently work under you. Using a current subordinate as a reference could be interpreted as bullying at worst on your part. It is not going to be a good reflection on you as a manager to solicit references by possibly soliciting references by putting another person under duress, so don’t do it!
• Anyone who is not going to say anything nice about you: I have had the experience of checking references in the past only to find out that the person left a prior job on bad terms or had performance related issues that they (obviously) did not disclose in the interview. If you were terminated for cause at another position, it probably would not be a good choice to use the person who fired you as a reference.
If you do want to use a prior boss who terminated your employment, I highly recommend having a conversation and finding out what kind of reference they are going to give first. It is okay to ask your references what sort of reference they are going to give.
• Romantic partners / exes: Romantic and ex-romantic partners are not good references, unless you are applying to be an escort. It is always good advice to keep your romantic and professional lives as far apart from each other as possible. Anyone who you may have had an emotional entanglement with may not be the most objective or stable reference either. If you dated them in the past tense, there is a reason they are your ex! Stay away from this option for many of the same reasons you don’t use your best friends as references as well.
• Fictional People: I cannot stress enough if you have not talked to your references beforehand, don’t use them. That also goes for if you are the only one who can see them. Don’t lie on your references and resumé, as these things have a way of catching up to you.
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